What worked and what didn't work

When moving from sketch to draft I tried to refine my story and be more descriptive. Although I am not very good at this I did my best. I still need some work on the what I know now what I didn't know then part of the paper.

Reflecting

The thing that struck me most is the feelings that I felt when I read it out loud. I have told the story a million times but I have never written it down. It is different trying to use descriptive words on paper rather than just speaking it to someone off the top of my head. I liked really reflecting on the story and what happened. The story I want to tell is what you learn from your experiences and how to use what you have learned in everyday life.
I would answer the so what question by just asking the reader to think about what it would be like and just letting them visualize what happened and how I learned from it.
The main thing I am planning on doing is just finishing the story and using more visualizations.

Evaluation

1. The thing that surprised me most is how much I remembered from the experience even though I was knocked unconscious. This probably wont be the focus of my paper but I might want to include it in there somewhere.
2. The very first line of the sketch I think is the most important line because it says everything that is in the sketch in one line kind of. This could be a beginning for more fast writing. I think it it the major theme of the paper.
3. The part that is the most important has yet to be written. The most compelling part of this paper is what happens after the accident. I'm not sure if this should come at the beginning or the end as of right now but this could be the lead in the draft.
4. My favorite part is what I have learned from this experience. I have yet to emphasize on the learning part but that will come more in the draft part I think.

Evaluation

1. The thing that surprised me most is how much I remembered from the experience even though I was knocked unconscious. This probably wont be the focus of my paper but I might want to include it in there somewhere.
2. The very first line of the sketch I think is the most important line because it says everything that is in the sketch in one line kind of. This could be a beginning for more fast writing. I think it it the major theme of the paper.
3. The part that is the most important has yet to be written. The most compelling part of this paper is what happens after the accident. I'm not sure if this should come at the beginning or the end as of right now but this could be the lead in the draft.
4. My favorite part is what I have learned from this experience. I have yet to emphasize on the learning part but that will come more in the draft part I think.

imagery

When I was young I felt like everyone in the world was happy and everyone just went along their lives and had fun and did what they needed to do. After time and schooling they started teaching us about the world. They taught us that there were beautiful places to see and visit. They also taught us about the persecution that had happened in the past and what is still happening in some countries. This feeling is a huge letdown. You want everyone to be happy and when you find out some people have no food or water it makes you sad. I wanted to help these people. I went to a Catholic school and we had fund raisers to help areas where they didn't have any food and I got really into it and made lots of money and sent it over but didn't see any results which was kind of a let down also.

Picture of myself

As I look at this picture, I can remember when it was taken. This picture was taken a few years ago outside on a deck. I am in this photo with my girlfriends cousin who has down syndrome. She is the coolest person I know. I am very close to my girlfriends family and my girlfriend and I hang out with them a lot. I have a corona t-shirt on and a corona in my had. When I picked this picture I didn't think that it would be saying something about who I am. I have a strong connection with family. Some people don't like going to family gatherings because its boring or they just don't like it. I love them. My family is very melo and we just hang out and play cards and stuff. I sometimes go to my girlfriends family functions. They are just as fun if not more fun than with my family. Maybe it is because the people are new and I find out new things about them every time I see them. Another thing that makes them fun is that in their family unlike mine, they have a lot of little kids so they are fun to play with sometimes. Other times they are annoying.
This picture is taken outside. I really love the outdoors. Everyday that it is nice outside I feel guilty if i am inside. I feel like it is such a waste of a nice day if you aren't outside doing something. I love to grill out and have a few cold beers on a warm afternoon. Who doesn't?
Over all thins picture just brings good thoughts to my head of fun times and good people.

The OBJECT

The object that sticks out in my mind from my childhood is an old moped. This was no ordinary moped it was one that you had to pedal to start. At first I could never start the darn thing but after some practice I could ride it. I think I liked it so much because it went pretty fast(for a 12 year old). I lived out in the country and the few neighbors and friends I had all wanted to ride it. I couldn't let them because my dad said that if they fell off and got hurt it would be our fault. One time my friend and I cut off the muffler so it was really loud. Soon after we did this my dad took it away and got rid of it. This frankly sucked.